Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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