I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
