Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
