They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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