Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
