Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
