She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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