I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
