I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just invented taco cereal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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