and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
