Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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