Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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