i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
