Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
