Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
