get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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