So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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