Christians are straight up FREAKS
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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