I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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