could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my being single is dangerous.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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