you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
