no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
