i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
