You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was like eating out sand paper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
