It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
