In the future we'll all be gay
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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