It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
