i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
