the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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