Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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