You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize
