matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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