That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
