You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
