There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm really busy with my period
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