If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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