i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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