I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
