I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
