Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
