How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
