in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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