I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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