I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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