im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its not stalking. its research.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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