apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
