i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
