you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
