It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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