tell your sister to shave her snatch
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
