I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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