Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
