the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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