Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
