how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize