oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
