Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
