Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
